STORIES IN THE HEADLINES FROM THE UK
Lamb stew: The M50 in Gloucester was shut after a lorry crashed on a bridge and spilt sheep carcasses on to the carriageway
Birthday bash: Scottish socialite Lady Morton, from Edinburgh, crashed for the first time in 70 years in a Nissan Micra just given to her as a surprise 100th birthday gift
Lots to offer: Fed up at not being able to park outside her house, Edith Murphy of Birstall, Leicestershire, paid £202,000 for land which was made into a 70-space free car park
Pucker prize: A fireman from Chelmsford, Essex, won a Mercedes in a contest to see who could kiss an A-class the longest. Keith Flynn smootched with it for two days!
THIS WEEKS BEST OF THE MOTORING NEWS & VIEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
MALAYSIA Baffled motorist booked for driving at 480mph
A Malaysian motorist has been booked for apparently speeding at 480mph in his car
The 59-year-old is considering mounting a legal challenge as his Toyota only has a top speed of 100mph. Traffic police insist the measurement is accurate.
NEW ZEALAND: A Palmerston man was caught driving at twice the legal drink limit - after beeping his horn in fun at police
FRANCE: Brief council has put plastic owls in trees to scare away ather birds after residents' cars were covered in droppings
GERMANY: A bungling Berlin thief got trapped in a Porsche he had planned to steal
AUSTRALIA: Sydney art student Janet Archer is offering to paint nudes on car hub-caps for £10 to help pay for driving lessons
SPAIN: A sign on a crushed motor outside a Madrid supermarket reminds able-bodied drivers not to park in disabled bays!
BEST OF THE PREVIOUS WEEKS
Short cut: An 87-year-old spent 30 hours on the road after getting lost during a drive to a local hairdressers, said Somerset Police
Driving range: Andrew Watt, 15, won a Land Rover Freelander in a golf tournament - but the Dorset schoolboy is of course too young to drive it!
Taking liberties: A spy camera on the A12 in Essex used to track drivers for a Government survey has been ditched following a barrage of protests from civil liberty groups
Expensive lesson: It took George Francis 11 years and £7500 to pass his driving test. But after five weks the Suffolk-based driver has been banned for a year after crashing his Peugeot 307 following "a bit of sherry"
NORWAY: A three-year-old boy from Ramstad drove his mum's car 300 metres home after she'd left the keys in the lock.
HUNGARY: Police had to take the bus to the scene of a bank robbery in Pecs when their patrol car ran out of petrol.By the time the officers arrived, the crooks had got away!
GERMANY: During his sermon Catholic priest Hans Muller appealed for the sinner who had dented his beloved BMW - parked outside the church - to confess.No one did.
NEW ZEALAND: A woman reversed into her neighbours house trying to park her car.The 89-year-old then crashed into her own garage at a retirement village in Levin.
USA: A Californian who sat in the middle of the road to protest at police towing away his vehicle was run over by a stolen car!!
GERMANY: Hans Acker's stolen Mitsubishi FTO was returned valeted by thieves in Hamburg - presumably to remove fingerprints.
SINGAPORE: Fifty city taxies are being fitted with screens on their roofs which flash the latest news headlines to pedestrians.
HOLLAND: Stuntman Piet Maas crashed over a cliff near Enschede while filming a road safety commercial. He escaped uninjured.
AUSTRALIA: Geelong Police are hunting a prankster who wallpapered a motorist's Ford Escort, leaving scratches all over the paintwork.
BHUTAN: A man waiting in his car on the Himalayan state's main road was charged by a bull.The animal's horns smashed the Hyundai's wing and ripped off the door morror.
Houston, USA : A thief who stopped to ask an off-duty cop for directions was arrested : He was driving the officers car which had been stolen earlier in the day !
Ghent, BELGIUM : A local baker has sculptured a statue of a child's head out of roadside rubbish in protest at speeding drivers.
Hamburg, GERMANY : The local police chief initiated a competition to select the most considerate drivers - then found the winner was driving whilst banned !
Manila, PHILIPPINES : Two motorists ended up in hospital after a dispute over a parking space turned into a vicious knife-fight.
Sign of the times : Residents have put up home-made speed camera signs in Haughton, Staffs., because, they say, their local council refused to pay for the real thing !
Shelter shambles : A £5,000 bus shelter was built on a route that no longer has buses. The 208 service through Thurcroft, South Yorks, was axed 10 days before the shelter went up.
GERMANY : Farmers in Kempten are being threatened with prosecution for negligence after two motor-cyclists skidded on cow pats in the road -
SOMALIA : Following years of political instability, a Government department has issued the first proper car registration for a decade to a driver in the capital, Mogadishu.
THAILAND : After being run over by an HGV, a turtle has been fitted with a fibreglass shell which will fall off when its own regrows !!
USA : Onlookers did not get rich quick when a security van crashed in Virginia scattering coins on the road.The shaken driver stood guard with a gun until police arrived.
GERMANY : Kladen garage boss Hans Muller was so angry when a driver fled without paying for fuel that he chased the thief for more than 200 miles to get the cash.
HOLLAND : Motorists in Oosteroult race past speed cameras at night with their number plates covered. A Police spokesperson said: " It's spy camera terrorism ! "
SPAIN : Traffic cop Emondo Ramirez has been suspended for blowing his whistle too enthusiastically after residents in Granada complained about the incessant din.
MALAYSIA : Two women were banned from taking driving tests in Penang because officials said their clothes were too tight !!
DEL BOY RIDES AGAIN ! : The Reliant Robin is making a comeback.Les Collier, who runs a fibreglass comany based in Suffolk, has bought the rights to the car and plans to launch five new models. The cars will cost from around £10k and he hopes to make and sell around 250 cars a year at his factory in Beccles.
STEAK & KIDNEY ASTON : A car salesman discovered there's no such thing as a free lunchwhen his meal cost him the price of a limited edition Aston Martin DB7.He was duped by a bogus buyer into stopping for pub grub while test driving the £64k model in Glasgow recently.The thief excused himself from the table and drove off while the hapless salesman finished his lunch !
A FRESH APPROACH : Police in Fife have unveiled an initiative that urges motorists to report suspected drink-drivers.Officers will be handing out air-fresheners with Crimestoppers' telephone number printed on them.The scheme is to be introduced right across the county if successful.
007 PAY DAY : James Bond's moon buggy from the film 'Diamends Are Forever' is up for auction.It's expected to fetch more than the £157k paid for the Aston Martin DB5 that featured in the 'GoldenEye' movie.
CREDIT BOOM REACHES BENTLEY: Bentley has advertised credit sales for the first time this week, for a trifling £1750.00 a month plus(in very small print) £52k deposit & final payment of £67k !!
IDEA OF THE WEEK : Motorists who used to speed through the village of Orsett, Essex, at 80mph are keeping to the limit after residents built a scarecrow policeman, with fluorescent jacket, hat and imitation gun -
INCENTIVE OF THE WEEK : A waitress was delighted when she thought she had won a 'Toyota' as a top-selling employee of the Hooters restaurant in Panama City, Florida -She was led blindfold into the car park to receive her prize, which turned out to be a 'toy Yoda', a character from Star Wars.She did not enjoy the joke and is now suing the resaurant !
ON THE ROAD AGAIN : A legendary name in British sports-car history returns as the first of a new generation of Jensens roll off the Liverpool production line this week : The 160mph Jensen S-V8 follows in the tracks of the late, lamented 1970's Interceptor models.
WHAT PRICE A ROLLS-ROYCE CHAUFFEUR : Chaffeur Parker proved at an auction of Thunderbirds memorabilia that value has nothing to do with breeding - While the puppet of his mistress, the hoity-toity Lady Penelope, went for £16,000, proletariate puppet Parker was snatched up by a Japanese businessman for £38,000 !
RACIEST DRIVERS OF THE WEEK : A survey by Yell.com has found that six in ten drivers of Volvo cars have enjoyed intimate relations in their robust vehicles - bringing a whole new meaning to the term safe sex - -
ROYAL RENAULT : The Queen carried out a Royal visit on a Channel Island in a borrowed Scenic.Alderney lacks a car ferry, so her Rolls-Royce was left on the mainland - We wonder if Renault will be applying for a Royal Warrant, there's a spare one from Harrods knocking around !!
ROUND THE BEND : A brand new cycle lane which cost £11,000 is to be removed after bikers complained it isn't straight enough.Workmen painted the new path around bins and signs in Sheerness, Kent.